UU Gal: December 2014

And of course, in case you did not know, my people are white people. So I am begging you to please read this and cease and desist. We are in a time of great threat to our comfortable way of being. And it is OKAY. We are all going to survive this. We can discuss race, and do it not just among ourselves, but we can do it with that one Black friend we have...(we do all have one right, I mean we always say that to prove that we are good people). It is going to suck for us. It is going to make us sad and angry and if we do it right, we will allow it to take the focus off of us and place the focus where it needs to be right now. A focus on people of color, and we can make it through. Think about it really hard. Sometimes the best things happen when we are uncomfortable, sad or angry. If you have ever taken the time to listen to your one Black friend, you may know that they spend most of the waking moments around us feeling sad or angry or uncomfortable. Because every time that they try to tell us how it feels to live in a world where their lives are not valued, where they are constantly feared, and where they cannot talk about it because it makes white people have feels is rough.

See, I don't think that most of us truly understand what a world based on white supremacy is like for a person who is not white. That is the root of white privilege. We don't think it sucks, because it does not suck for us. White Supremacy you may gasp? But I don't wear a sheet or shave my head. You don't have to. We are all part of that whether we think we are or not. White supremacy happens every single time we open our mouths when our Black friends talk of the pain that they experience on a daily basis, and we justify, or dismiss, or try to silence their concerns. How many times would you try to have that conversation with someone before it became too painful to try anymore? Perhaps people of color who we know just smile and let us think what we want because they are tired of getting psychically kicked in the teeth by people who they thought were really friends.

So to my people, please just stop saying "ALL LIVES MATTER" every time you hear the phrase "BLACK LIVES MATTER". It is not about you. It is about a time in history when Black people are mourning, are raging, and are putting their foot down about dealing with our stupid hurt feelings. They are trying to muscle through our ignorance and create space where they can express these feelings in a powerful way. And it is going to happen with or without us. Stop being that guy. When we have breast cancer awareness month, we all wear pink and get mammograms and donate to the Komen foundation. We don't say, well what about lung cancer or pancreatic cancer. "ALL LUNGS MATTER!"

So really give it some thought, why can we not allow this movement to unfold the way that people of color want it to. Why do we have to jump in with our hurt feelings and say "all lives matter"? Oh yeah, white supremacy. We are not used to not being the center of attention, so when something like this threatens us, we tremble. And we try to derail. And most of the time we don't even mean anything by it, but if you listen to people of color, those actions are more emotionally painful than a burning cross. Because if a person of color is in your life, if they trust you enough to share with you and then you betray that trust by responding (in a well intentioned way of course) by making it more about you and less about them, it's a really powerful betrayal. Some random guy in a sheet burning a cross is easily dismissed, your best friend saying oh, you know I don't see color is like a punch in the gut.

I only know these things because I have taken some time to really listen to people of color, to read what they are writing, and to hear and to try to empathize with them. This often means that I stand by when I see this happen over and over to them, and shake my head at the thick-headedness of my people. It makes me feel sadness that I cannot explain. I have not blogged much about this topic because I have felt like everyone is saying things about it more eloquently than I as they are speaking from personal experience. But I have enough people I am dealing with on a day to day basis who cannot STFU about this, and I wanted to write something so I do not have to keep rewriting the same response on Facebook.

I KNOW that you are not bad people. You just sound like you are right now. And I know that you can do better. We can do better. You are tired of talking about race? Too bad. If we do not start honestly, openly, rawly talking about this, we will NEVER be done talking about it. We will settle back into thinking we've taken care of the problem because no one is talking about it anymore. But that is not going to make it go away. And, in case you have not been paying attention...this is way bigger than you now. It is not going to go away. Do you want to be on the right or wrong side of history. You know the answer. Do the right thing.<----Spike Lee

Suggestions for future action

Take a minute to ask your one Black friend how they really feel. Humble yourself. Admit that you are an ignorant idiot, and that while maybe you did not listen before, you really do want to understand now. Then keep your mouth shut.

Take a minute to find a blog or an article or a broadcast by a person of color. Listen to what they feel like when we say the ignorant (innocent?) things that we say. Learn the offensive, innocuous phrases, and stop saying them.

Take a minute to be uncomfortable. Don't like the term white supremacy or white privilege? Good, learn about them anyway. Sit with the discomfort. Marinate in it. Meditate on it. You'll be better for it. Believe me.

UU Gal

Mandala

Monday, December 15, 2014

A Plea to My People

Saturday, December 6, 2014

as seen on twitter. I finally figured out what embed tweets means.