I just heard something delightful in my living room. My little was building a Lego creation to send to a friend who had just sent him a delightful surprise in the mail. His love language is primarily Lego at this point. And while he was building, he was explaining to me what he was doing. "I am making two ships because one of Amelia's mamas loves Legos too". He has a running commentary about a lot of things, and I am guilty of tuning some of it out at times. But given all that is going on in the world around me right now, I found this simple nonchalant declaration a sign of what can be.
Here is why. At the age of seven, little genuinely does not define people by lifestyle choice, skin color, economic standing, manner of dress, food preference, religion or whatever other thing that we, much less enlightened adults, tend to use to "other". I cannot begin to explain to you how much this amazes me. I am in wonder of him a lot of the time. I could take all of the credit I suppose, what a fine child I am raising and all of that. But it goes beyond that. He is by nature kind and tender, and while I nurture and guide that when I can, I certainly did not make him that way. It is his personality. I am amazed because my family has people in our lives who are diverse and colorful and outspoken and accepting. They love my son and he loves them back. And he does not question any of these differences at this point in his life, because thus far, he has not encountered anyone who has taught him otherwise.
We are your average "All-American" family. Mama, Daddy, too many pets, homeowners in a quiet neighborhood, middle class (whatever that means anymore), and white. But the spouse and I got married in our late 20's and had little in our early 30's and between the two of us brought to this family a number of awesome folks. So by the time little has been old enough to be aware of the folks around him, he has seen some diversity. Surely, never enough, but enough that seeing someone different from him does not feel all that different to him.
He considers all who cross his path to be his friend, no matter their age (which this mama monitors closely, because well, you know) and even age does not seem to be a barrier in his mind. So seeing other littles with same sex parents, or single parents or parents who look like his is cool. He still points someone out of the crowd based on the color of their shirt and not on the color of their skin. Our neighbors down the street, a gay white couple with two adopted Black sons is a non-issue for him, or he keeps a whole lot of questions and comments to himself. Our friend who identifies as gender fluid did confuse him a bit not too long ago, but not for any other reason than that little had never seen him with make-up on. So when he saw a photo on facebook and asked "who is that", he did show some surprise by my answer. However, not because he is of the opinion that "boys" cannot wear make-up, but because he could not believe it was the same person. So he shrugged, said "he looks different" and moved along with his day.
Little eats the world. As long as you have some understanding of the world of Star Wars, an appreciation for Legos, or a willingness to let him explain those things to you, than he accepts you as you present yourself. He tells me quickly when he likes or dislikes someone, but it is always based on whether or not he thinks they are mean. And he is usually spot on.
So today when he made an offhand comment about one of the mamas liking Legos, I almost cried because there lives no hate in him at this point, and he is not unique. Lots of kiddos in lots of communities are being raised in similar situations, surrounded by diversity. He does not attend school, we do that at home, so I am not sure if that has something to do with it. I know that it does not take long for ugliness about differences to rear up in the school setting, but I know that we are raising a generation of children who do have the potential within them to change the way that this country works.
We have to cash in on this potential as the loving adults in their lives. Because I know that the heartbreaking day will come when he will be stripped of the innocence that he currently has toward people. He will meet evil, and hatred, and I know that time is coming sooner than I'd like. So I am gently beginning the process in school this year of talking to him about the injustices that exist. It is a hard balance to strike. Because I want him to live in a bubble where everyone is equal, and everyone is accepted, and no one gets hurt. But that is not fair to him, or to the world I want for him and his peers to change.
Caring adults NOW need to start having hard conversations about the roots of injustice, and acknowledging that injustice exists. I feel that I grew up in a world post civil rights movement, when the leaders and adults were tired of fighting, felt that things were good, and taught me just not to judge people and that would make everything okay. I am learning painfully that those types of assumptions might have been the easiest way, but not the best way. So as a forty year old lady, I am questioning everything, and trying to engage others in those discussions. And there is a LOT of resistance to that. But I will not raise my son in a world that tells him that ignoring differences, and the systems that enforce cruelty and injustice is okay. I am committed to finding a way to teach him the important and ugly parts of our history, to teach him that even though he personally does not hate other people it does not mean that hate does not happen and I really hope to teach him to listen compassionately and to think critically. I always describe myself as a collector of other people's stories, and I hope to pass them on to him. So that he can move into his adulthood with eyes open, so that he will question "authority", and so that he will use whatever power and privilege he has to continue to crush oppression and the systems that support it.
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